How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
