sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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