Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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