ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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