i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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