Don't you send me to vm
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
