apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
