Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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