The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just tell him i said nine months
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
