How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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