you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
