You're completely useless in the revolution.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
