My cat gives me a boner
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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