if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
