dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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