I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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