he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
