so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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