OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize