see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
