I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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