Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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