ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i dont even know how to be here
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
