That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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