I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
