respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
