A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
