I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
