It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize