PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
