I should be sponsored by Trojan
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
