After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
