I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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