i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
