hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize