Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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