listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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