Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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