Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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