Whod you bang
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
