I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
