Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i now understand why vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
