You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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