the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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