we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
