I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
