the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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