It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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