Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
