well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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