TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
