i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
