i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
