I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
