i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
