cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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