I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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