You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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