He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize