She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
