After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
