I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
