We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
