You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
