We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
