I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
