Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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