Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
