bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
