You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
